Calling an Audible

2019 has been a very big year for me. Although it feels like the year has flown by at lightning-like speed I am actually really amazed (and impressed!) with how much I have accomplished. When I think about the reason why I have been even more productive than normal, I am reminded by this photo that I took in Alaska back in July. I was guiding a backpacking trip and had an ironclad plan that was sure to blow my clients’ minds. Then, the night before our trip, a once in a year event, called a jokulhlaup, happened that caused a beautiful display of nature’s power. A large lake on the side of a glacier drained leaving skyscraper-sized icebergs beached next it (as seen in the photo). So I made the decision to change our plans so my clients could witness this relatively rare event. Needless to say they were not disappointed! So the one difference that I noticed this past year is that I learned the value in calling an audible every now and then.

I have always been a very motivated person, a really hard worker who is always trying to learn new things. As an independent freelance Illustrator I hustle a lot. In fact, I am always doing something. If I am not working on art, I am trying to find new clients or working on any number of the things that are necessary to run a small business. I never really relax in the traditional sense because I tend to get bored very quickly and feel an overwhelming urge to move. In fact, I struggle to even sit through an entire movie that I am “watching” on Netflix as I am working on photo editing, illustration projects or other business things. So I seem to be ideally suited for the stress and strain of the freelance lifestyle. However, despite my penchant for thriving in an ever changing environment, I came to the realization a year ago that I am not immune to the soul draining effects of every freelancer’s nemesis: BURNOUT.

Honestly, I had never truly experienced burnout before so I didn’t even know what was happening at first. I just knew that I had lost my passion for art. I had been a working Illustrator for a few years and always had a burning to desire create art, create more art and then still create more art over and over every single day. I love drawing and painting and always have as far as I can remember. But then one day in October 2018 that fire in my belly suddenly just fizzled out. It happened so suddenly that I was taken aback. What the hell just happened?!? Why do I not want to make art anymore? Why do I dread the mere thought of picking up a pencil, pen or brush? And more importantly, how do I get my passion back? Oh crap, what do I do now?

As one might expect I just tried to power through and write off my feelings (or lack thereof) in hopes that somehow things would change back to normal. But surprise, surprise things only got worse! And besides, Albert Einstein said it best, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”. So it was at that pivotal moment that I realized that I needed a change.

Early in November 2019 I bought my first “real” camera. I had been thinking about learning photography for years but was never quite ready to commit to it. After all, committing my life to one artistic medium was surely enough. Or so I thought. I then realized I had (over)worked myself to the point of being wholly dissatisfied with any drawing, painting or illustration that I created. Everything I made sucked (at least it did to me) and I felt like my energy had been sucked dry. I clearly needed to step away from illustration and take a break. But I also needed to do art. I NEEDED to make something damn it!!! Creating art is like breathing air for me. I can’t just stop. I can’t survive without it because it’s woven into my DNA.

So I had an epiphany just as immediately as I was smacked down with burnout. I had a grand plan for continuing with my illustration career. I was fully committed and following the playbook, steadily advancing down the field. But then I suddenly realized that the game simply wasn’t working for me anymore. My perfect playbook just wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do anymore. So I finally said screw it, I’m calling an audible.

That day in November just one year ago represents a sort of rebirth for me as an artist. I now have two artistic mediums, illustration and photography, that feed off of and inform one another. And following a three month break from illustration to focus on photography I was inspired to not only start drawing and painting again, but I had discovered a passion for making illustrated maps. My burnout had been my subconscious brain telling me that I was on the wrong path. So in taking a break from illustration and picking up a camera I was able to still create art but look at the world through a different lens (pun completely intended!). Learning to create art through photography helped me to advance and grow as an illustrator. And I suspect that the reverse will also be true in the coming years.

So I will say it again, this past year has been a big one. I started to learn photography and I have already started to make some money with it. This second creative medium reignited my passion for illustration and allowed me to evolve as an artist. My entire vision for my professional career has been forever altered by this experience. I am so excited for 2020 to see what I accomplish in the next year. But whatever the future has in store for me, I know that from now on, when I feel stuck, frustrated, bored or burned out, I am definitely going to call an audible!